Peter Wise

Thank you letters for spam emails


I was always brought up to be polite and it was regularly drummed into me as a child that if someone writes to you, you must write back. Especially if their communication included a postal order, book token or whatever for your birthday or Christmas.

Actually, in my case, Christmas Day and my Birthday were but three days apart, so quite often I would receive, to my disappointment, one present to cover both form various godparents, grandparents and the like. But that’s another story.

Anyway, very few people write thank-you letters these days. However, the volume of communications full of various goodies (or at least promising them) we receive nowadays has actually increased dramatically.

But it’s still good to send a thank you letter in the right circumstances, just as it is to receive one. And with spam emails promising so much, it suddenly struck me. What if those spam emails really did deliver what they promised, and I was moved to write a thank you letter tor two?

They might go something like this:

“Dear xxxx,

 Thank you for offering to give me 20% of the £50 million fortune belonging to the unfortunate late Mr Kadogo. How amazing that of all the people you could have picked to help you make that transaction you chose me!

 Well, I did as you said. I sent you all the bank details, and I paid the £10,000 processing fee. Now I’m just waiting for my share of the fortune to come through. I do hope it’s soon, as there seems to be some error with my bank account – they’ve just told me that it’s massively overdrawn. These banks are always getting it wrong – just as soon as I receive my share of Mr Kadogo’s fortune I’m moving to a different bank!

 Yours etc…”


Or perhaps:


“Dear xxxx,

 Thank you for your email offering to let me ‘Watch it grow an inch every day.’ I took your advice, bought your pills, and….well, you’re not wrong.

 Sorry for the belated reply. I appreciate it’s been a long time now. However, as you can imagine, I had my hands full for the first couple of months. Then, I was about to write to you, when I had a nasty accident, tripping over myself. So that took a few days to get over.

 Unfortunately, I can now no longer find trousers to fit me. It’s also getting hard to reach the keyboard on the computer. So this may be my last communication.

 So long! (As I often find myself saying nowadays…)”


If you’re looking for some rather more serious letter writing, please take a look at my direct response copy page.

About Peter Wise, freelance copywriter

Freelance Copywriter in London, UK
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